This isn’t a poem or a rant, anything along the lines. This is real, this is true, this is me.
I’ve had a lot of ups and downs lately. Each day either an up, a down or an inbetween. The ups, like today, have been high in motivation and self acceptance. I feel worthy and pretty damn okay. Lows are moody, irritated and completely exhausted. I do have to admit, I’m always exhausted in some way, shape or form. My inbetween days are my gray days. The days where I don’t feel much.
The anxiety gets too much, my triggers are more than normal, my thoughts get too much. They’re controlable for the most part. It’s a weird time for me. Maybe the stress of school or the pressure to figure out who I am because I truly don’t know who I am and vaguely have an idea of who I want to be. Some days I can’t get over who I was.. Five years a go, last year, three months, last week, yesterday. It’s difficult to look ahead and not go back to the past. I really struggle with this. I have to consciously try to be present at all times and to not worry about what’s ahead or behind.
This is merely just a thought in my mind and a way of an output.